10 things an Emtophobe wish you knew…

After my recent bout of emtophobia, i decided to monitor what really got my spikes going, what hacks me off,starts my panic attacks and basically what controls my mental well-being.

There can be many triggers like i am sure most people are aware of who suffer with some sort of phobia or aniexty disorder.

Some are obvious, some are innocent and some p*ss me off to my core!!!

So here are: 10 things an Emtophobic wish you knew:

1) “My Son/Daughter was throwing up all night, but seems okay today so i’ve brought them to school/party/your house” Nope!!! Back the flip away before i spray you with my all power fresh multi purpose dettol!!! Doctors guide lines are keep vomitting children away from others for at least 48 HOURS AFTER THIER LAST VOMITING EPISODE to stop the chances of spreading and who am I to argue with a doctor?! In my eyes right now, your child may aswell have some sort of zombie virus and is about to start the zombie apocalypse in a frenzied nora virus outbreak. If doctors tell you to stay away from a hospital/doctors surgery during a sickness bug, please use your common sense and stay away from me.

2. “Come on, don’t get so worked up! There is nothing to be afraid of!” Errrr negitive. This is a phobia, caused by IRRATIONAL thinking, i know my thoughts aren’t rational, i know technically there is nothing to be afraid of, but those reassuring words do not compute, abort abort abort… nothing you say is going to help me start thinking rationally

3. I will over analyse every piece of meat cooked, cutting and dissecting to see if it looks cooked. That chicken looks abit pink?! That sausage felt abit cool in the middle?!*throws whole dinner away in bin, panics and over analyses every stomach twinge for the next 24 hours*

4. “The yogurt sell by date said it went out of date yesterday” well throw that MF in the bin! Think im gonna put my health on the line to enjoy a curdled corner yogurt? No thanks.

“Yeah, but a sell by date is only a guide line for shops to know when to sell by and i don’t think you can get sick off a yogurt”

Aww, well you have just swayed my opinion and have cured 30 years of aniexty…oh no sorry that was a lie.THROW. THAT. MF. IN. THE. BIN.

5. How do you like your meat? Charcoaled and tastelss please. Seriously, if i see you cook that chicken for the recommended cooking time, in my mind you have just given me a death sentence. You better cook that chicken until it looks like its been to hell and back…and i’ll probably still over analyses and look for pink bits.

6. If one of my family members gets sick, you better believe for the next 2 weeks im going to be on starvation mode and anxiety over load. 2 weeks it can take the nora virus to stop being infectious in someone. 2 bloody weeks! So during that time my hands will resemeble a 90 year olds and my house will be cleaner than a covered up murder scene.

7. “Yeah, i got to drunk so i just went in the toliet and made myself sick and carried on” you did what? You insane mentalist! In my mind right now, you are crazier than me! But really i envy the fact you can just be so carefree about doing it while i monitor how much i drink to prevent getting myself into a frenzied panic attack or sickness episode.

8. “Can you stop googling your symptoms? You’ll make yourself ill!!” Well can you please tell that to my scared, mentally scarred, 5 year old inner child still terrified of eating apples because that was the last thing she ate before being violently sick once that triggered every panic attack about getting ill since. And don’t tell me I’ll make myself ill as a threat to stop me doing it, just reassure me! Just listen to me being irration and crazy and sympathise with me, do you think i want to think/be this way??

9. “Did you hear that (insert name) whole family got sick one after the other last week” nope i didn’t, but now i can’t unhear it and now im looking at my family like a ticking time bomb waiting for the dreaded “Mum, i feel sick” quote to be mentioned and now im going insane in my head, but im smiling at you like i have it altogether 😀.

10. Its so much more than a phobia, its a life alteration mess of insanity and lack of control. So you can just travel 24 hours on a plane and the most you have to worry about is how you will sleep on the flight? And theres me staring at a sick bag like its mocking me, I’m not worried incase this flight crashes down,im worried i might have to use that tiny little bag (like, why are they so small?) And go into a mini melt down, or if someone else gets ill near me and im trapped! Omg did i just hear a cough?! Did someone wretch?? *searches for parachute*

You can just take your kids to play in the park or indoor play area and theres me over analysing everything they touch or encounter.

You can just eat meat cooked perfectly,where as i will enjoy some veg with a side order of coal…i mean chicken.

I think you get the jist.

Being an emtophobic isn’t a choice, isn’t a way of life, isn’t something id choose to suffer from- so just listen to me while i over analyse, don’t get angry at me or call me crazy when i get anxious and please, stay the hell away from me when you are sick 😂✌ PEACE.

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