**Disclaimer- this is based on my own personal experience, which will differ from each individual person & is a subjective truth based on my own personal experiences**
When i first fell pregnant at the age of 25, I felt prepared. Me & Andrew had been together just over a year and were now living together in a flat, we even had a pet hamster called Amber, some might say we had it all…. obviously that is a joke.
The 1st 4 months where Hell. I had all day sickness and my hormones were playing Jekyll and Hyde. I was a nightmare to be around and my best friend became a toilet.
The next 5 months went from 0 to 100, we became home owners, we moved into a new area and I had ballooned into a human marshmallow. I wasn’t glowing, I was bloomin gross.
Id decorated the babys room in neutral tones, I knew I was having a boy but the thought of having an all blue room didn’t appeal to me, plus, it’s easier to hide neutral paint mistakes and I was no Picasso when it came to painting.
I was full of anticipation waiting for the baby to arrive! I was going to be one of those Pinterest mums, the mum who had her sh*t together, who took arty photos and made her own baby food in a blender…2012 wasn’t going to know what hit it….I was so ready….so so ready to be a mum, a Pinterest mum!
until the day he was born… & then reality punched me like a mini dig in the tit.
I AM NOT READY FOR THIS! I AM SO NOT READY FOR THIS!
Holy Cow! What have I done?? This little 8lb10oz blob of cuteness was my responsibility for LIFE! I can’t even remember the last time I cleaned out the hamster?! How am I going to cope with this mini version of my husband staring back at me.
I felt betrayed, I had carried him in my womb for 9 months! Vomitted, cried, gotten fat… The absoutle audacity that he comes out looking like his Dad!
Night blurred into day, day blurred into night, I could of auditioned as an extra in the walking dead, I certainly felt the part.
Slowly my Pinterest mum dream had gone down the pooper. This wasn’t like the movies. I’d gotten poop on my face, wee in my hair, sick in my mouth (not mine)- my hair was falling out in clumps, my skin was pale and spotty & my stomach resembled a saggy scrotum… I’d never felt less Pinteresty in my life.
But, maybe this is normal? Maybe I am amoung the many and the Pinterest mums are the few?
Maybe this WAS the reality. The beautiful but ugly truth…
So here is my perspective on what becoming a new Mummy felt like- in the form of a 10 point Pinterest form, oh the irony….Enjoy
1. It’s overwhelming. I remember not long after Oliver was born everyone wanted to see him! This is obviously the protocol and totally normal! New baby pops out, family cluster in. But no body tells you how overwhelming it all is! I was pale, sore & exhausted, id spent all night watching his chest rise and fall not being able to sleep with aniexty and excitement & next thing i know its morning and my room was flooded with family and well wishes and all I wanted to do was cry. For no reason at all. It just felt like it was the best outlet, so I did! I walked into the little toliet in my room, closed the door and cried, & it felt great.
2. It can be Lonley. After the 2 weeks paternity was up and Andy had gone back to work, it was lonley. Which seems strange in itself. How can looking after a baby be lonley when you are not alone?! But, even though your body has produced this beautiful human being, the Apple of your eye, your child is still a stranger and it takes time getting to know one another, understanding each cry and wimper…what’s a poop face and whats a trapped wind face, are you happy? Or are you about to puke all over my brand new sofa? These things take time and the process can be a Lonley one…but that’s okay, soon enough they will become your sidekick and life we be balanced again.
3. Lack of sleep makes you Cray Cray! This is a given! But have you ever been so tired you hallucinate? Or feel like you have just downed 10 litres of vodka? Slurring my words or thinking I saw things in the corner of my eye became a daily occurrence, sleep deprivation was sending me over the edge…but I got through it knowing it wasn’t forever or putting Andrew on nightfeed duty for the weekend much to his dismay.
4. Sleep when the baby sleeps is the worst advice ever…because it’s just not going to happen. Chances are, you are so preoccupied with your new addition that the house has been a tad on the neglected side. So when the baby sleeps and you see that mini mold world that has started to thrive on your 4 day old dish, nesting mummy will take over and that 1 dish you planned to wash becomes a whole house spring clean and by the time you are done, it’s time for the babies next feed. NO Sleep 1- Zombie Mum 0.
5.Your hair will fall out in clumps and your little angel will contribute to it also. I was so proud of my thick luscious locks after Oliver was born! 8 weeks later, I was pulling hairs out his mouth, untangling hairs that had got wrapped around his dummy, hair tumble weeds were rolling past like something out the wild west & when they weren’t naturally depositing everywhere,Oliver would grab aload while learning how to control his motor skills and just yank chunks out at a time. Marvellous.
6. You will hate your partner for the next 6 months for no reason at all. Poor Andrew, he did try! But he couldn’t do right from wrong. The sound of his breathing simply annoyed me. Watching him change the babies nappy aggravated me, he didn’t do it the correct way…my way! He’d excite the baby just before a nap or jiggly him straight after a bottle…he would pretend to be asleep during a night feed and then “wake up” after I’d finish…such a cowinkadink darling! But more than anything, I was simply a hormonal crank and he was in the firing line. Sorry Hubs.
7. You will become Doctor Google. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have diagnosed my children with something awful! As soon as a sniffle happens I am on Google searching their symptoms, the outcome is always alot less servere than the Google diagnoses…always.
8. You feel awful for the amount of worry you put your own parents through. My Dad has always been dramatic, whenever myself or my siblings put my dad through anything mildly traumatic he would cry out how we are going to put him in an early grave… I can’t tell you how much I relate to this now. From the day your baby is born you have this fierce need to protect them inscribed on your hardware. There is no mountain you wouldn’t move for them. Life becomes one big ball of aniexty & dread, sprinkled with love.
9. Sometimes you sit there and think, why did I sign up for this? Now I don’t mean that in a bad way, I always wanted to be a mum and know I am extremely fortunate to be one, I never take that forgranted. But there are times when I think, I will worry for the rest of my life, there will not be a day were I do not worry…why did I sign up to be a constant ball of worry? When did I become Eeyore outta Winne the Pooh?
10. It gets better! Contrary to what i have said previously, it does get better. The dark clouds lift, you get into routine, you learn your babies needs, their crys, you become best buddies. Yes the worry will never stop, but that’s apart of Life, a part that can take a backseat at times and be replaced by the new laidback mum you admired on Pinterest. No,I will not let my son paint in the house or make slime and I will probably never take a quirky photo or a cake smash one…he is to old now anyway and the thought of the cleaning aftermath fills me with dread. But I got through it enough to, 5 years down the line, decide a brother or sister was good a idea & i haven’t looked back since.