Recently I was sitting with my son and listening to him while he ran a commentary on a game he was playing. I was really impressed by his witty remarks and childish banter and grinned proudly as I admired how well I had brought him up. He is sure going to be on stage one day, I thought to myself.
But as I listened more, I started to realise he was using phrases me and his Dad don’t normally say, not that i was aware of anyway. “OH JEEZ!” he proclaimed! “The creepiness intensifies!” I looked at him and laughed! “Where have you heard that, Ollie?” Without a hesitation he answered “Dan TDM”
I’ve heard once before that the person who you spend most time with you naturally start picking up there traits, from gestures to sayings….then it dawned on me- my Son was being raised by Dan TDM!
I tried to justify it in my head. ‘I’ve just had another child” I thought to myself. ‘His Dad works away weekdays, it’s okay for him to have a virtual surrogate!’ ‘No Sophie, you monster! That is such a weird thought!’ Even the thoughts in my head were not letting me get out of it that easierly.
And then it hit me like a ton of Minecraft blocks- all the;
“Mum, can I dye my hair blue?” To the “Mum, I want to be a Gamer when I grow up!” Yes, the more blatant remark.
Id handed over parenting rights to a 27 year old stranger id never met called Daniel Middleton- aka Dan TDM.
I felt ashamed, a little bit guilty, but I feel I may not be the only parent who sometimes need an outlet, you know the “Mum! I’m bored! Can I watch some YouTube?!” And while you’re upto your eyeballs in baby poop and reflux just snap back “Yes! Go on then!”
I mean it could be worse! He went through a phase of watching annoying orange, that tiny orange diesease- I would rather listen to someone clawing their nails down a chalk board on a loop than to that rancid fruit.
So here are the 10 signs your child is being brought up by Dan TDM. Pay attention- the signs are subtle 😂 ( They really aren’t)
1) Your 5 year old suddenly wants to play jelly bean roulette. But he/she already knows all the bad and good flavours! (AVOID THE RED BEAN AT ALL COSTS)
2) After no interest in animals, suddenly He/she wants to adopt a pug.
3) The name Trayaurus is a perfectly acceptable name to call any new toy, animal or new brother or sister.
4) Everything scary in life involves the phrase “Jump scare!”
5) He/she wants to sport a flippy fringe and dye it blue or purple.
6) There is no need to purchase any new games! As your child has probably already watched Dan DTM play them.
7) Any imaginary game they play is called “Hello Neighbour” (basically it’s the new hide and seek game, before the neighbour- the person looking for you, appears from nowhere and scares the living crap out of you)
8) JEEZ, Oh JEEZ, JEEZ jeez jeez jeez is used on the daily while playing any sort of game.
9) All games played cannot be played silently, witty remarks followed by “OH that was a fail” when something goes wrong will be said on the daily!
10) No, your child is not saying “Park Whore” like i thought mine was. Apparently ‘parkour’ is an activity where you jump from wall to wall without killing yourself and is now considered a sport! Also,used alot in DanTDM games.
So there are the 10 signs.
To be honest- i really like DanTDM. I found myself the other night watching him and his Wife Jemma go to Disney land last year and it wasn’t prompted by my son ( he was asleep in bed)
Most of his games are child friendly and he tries to keep most, if not all, his videos for a child’s age range!
I can’t say either that I will stop my son watching them when I am busy, but I do realise that more time should be spent in the real world with him and not virtually.
We are all guilty of lazy parenting at times! But like i say, it could be worse! Your Child could be in the annoying orange phase- that’s when you know you have really messed up 😉